Monday, April 27, 2015

i'm Done or It's Done!

In this blog:
I'm Done or It's Done!

Caution:  contains raw vulnerability….

When He had received the drink, Jesus said, “It is finished.” With that, he bowed his head and gave up His spirit.   John 19:30

Have you ever told yourself or others "I’m done"! or  "I’m so done"!   Do you find yourself in a set of circumstances that you just don’t know how to cope, function or otherwise anymore?  Maybe you find that you are hedged in tight!  You can't move left or right, forwards or backwards!   

What does I’m done actually mean?  Some possible interpretations could be: I quit, I give up, “hasta la vista baby” (see you later, slang used in Terminator movie), sayonara (goodbye in Spanish) or if really serious, it could come to mean taking one’s life.   

Several weeks ago, I began hitting the wall mostly in relation to my health.  I don’t mean just bumping into the wall, but slamming hard into it.  Sleep deprivation, chronic daily pain and wave after wave of panic attacks were hitting like a ton of bricks. The past 30 years of health issues finally got the best, worst & all of me.  I didn’t know what to do or how to move forward.  To be honest, I begged God to take me home every night.  I said if this is the life You have for me, then I don’t want it.  (I wasn’t suicidal, because frankly I’m afraid of the dying process.  I hate guns, blood and can’t swallow pills.  I’m afraid I’d fail in any attempt and then be worse off, so why try).  But, I was ready for death in my own little chicken way.  I kept asking God if He would just have mercy and take me in my sleep.  But, then that would mean I’d actually get some sleep.  Ha!  That’s when I got the title of this blog – which I believe God actually dropped into my head……and put His own twist on it.  Keep reading…

So, here I am saying "I’m done".  I didn’t know what that actually meant to me because I knew life without God would be worse.  I had too many fears and knowledge of what the enemy is capable of, so deserting God was not really an option.  I, of course was pretty blunt and frank with the Lord letting Him know my frustrations, anger and major disappointment on why I believed He kept dangling “bait’ in front of me since I was saved, promising me my healing (in this lifetime) and yet it still hadn’t manifested.   I just didn’t know how much longer I could truly contend, fight, pray or stand, kneel or even crawl.  I am more than weary and I know the many intercessors (YOU) have been praying for much, much longer than you or I could even of thought. I’m thankful, but yet I feel I’ve worn so many out.  I’m sorry, if that’s you.  I say that because there was one person who came to me brave enough to let me know they didn’t want to be friends anymore because they were tired of praying for my healing.  Ouch!!!

Years ago the Lord came to me in an open vision.  Jesus was kneeling next to my bedside.  He was weeping.  He looked up and said “Father, enough is enough”.   My heart wept with His.  I really sensed that maybe I was going to see healing in that moment, but it didn’t come.   Also around that time, I went to a conference where the minister was getting words of knowledge for different people and though there was no doctor confirmation that night, those people really believed they were instantly healed.  Next the minister looked at me, called me up to the front (everyone in the place including me believed this was finally my night for a miracle).   He looked at me and said, hmmm I’m not getting anything except “there is nothing you can do to get your healing.  Healing will be done but in God’s timing and in His way for His glory” and then he went on to say, “the Lord says you have the faith”.   That was both confirming and devastating.  Everyone else was getting healed and I get told not now!  The pain of rejection and disappointment settled in my spirit.   Hope deferred makes the heart sick…..oh and my  heart has been sick for along time now. 

Now, a little bit of God’s twist to this blog title.  

On my phone I have an app Music Player.  I don’t really ever use it, but have a few songs stored there that I change out my ringtone from time to time.  I hadn’t used that app for probably 6 months or more.  About 2 or 3 weeks ago, this song popped up and started playing from Music Player.  The title of the song “It’s Done” by Matt Slocum.

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 I thought that’s odd since I hadn’t had the app open.  I love the song so I decided to play it.  The Lord spoke powerfully to me through it.   One line in particular…..”when you say it’s done,  it’s done! by your Word, you overcome. It’s done, it’s done!”   I thought ok, I hear you Lord.  So I clicked out of it and closed the app.  Maybe 15 minutes later, the song popped up again and started playing again.  Funny!!!  So I listened to it again, then closed the app.  And would you believe it, if I told you this happened 8 or 9 times over two days.  I strongly believe the Lord wanted to make a point.  He was saying two things for sure:  1. It’s done when He says it’s done, not when I say I’m done.  2.  He’s saying it’s done, meaning my healing is coming. 

He said to me: “It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. To the thirsty I will give water without cost from the spring of water of life.
 Revelation 21:6

Since that song scenario, I have received numerous confirmations about my healing, breakthrough and more.  One word in particular, I will share and the reason for sharing it is because when I read it, I couldn’t stop crying and something supernaturally shifted in my spirit.  I can only tell you that from this word, hope got infused in a tangible way.  I know my healing is in process of being manifested. My thinking and boldness standing up to the enemy has done a 180. 

Here’s a few things that God has done for me lately: 
A lady I met several years ago when ministering with Joni up North KCMO reached out to me through Facebook and began to share her personal journal and blog as she too is contending for her healing (and now I stand with her).  She is like a little angel God has sent to hold my hands up.  I am so blessed for the friends the Lord has given me.  There are quite a few of you who haven’t given up on me!!!  There is also another intercessor that God raised up who has been praying for me and communicating with me for over a week, helping me to walk into my healing.  She’s a total stranger, out of the blue (actually because a friend prayed her in) and she seems to be committed and believes my healing is very soon.  Frankly, I do too.  My spirit is leaping.  Here’s the powerful word God used:  

You are stronger than panic! You are in Him and He is in You and His Name wins! No weapon formed against you wins!!!!! You are God's Beloved! He is fierce and jealous over you.
Victory is closer than you think. Rise up and run the last lap home with renewed hope, strength, stamina and vigor. The Breath of My Holy Spirit is the wind at your back giving you the extra needed strength stamina and speed necessary to push you across the line. And should you falter at the end I will pick you up and carry you the last steps across the finish line of victory and total freedom in the Kingdom of God. And it is not an earthly trophy you will receive. Rather it is spiritual power and authority gained over the enemy and he shall no longer have power over you. You have been before me in the courts of Heaven, and I have ruled in your favor against Satan. Now he bows before you, because My Name is Your Name!!! In fact he will run from you in defeat and shame.
Your name is known throughout the Heavens and not only do you have many friends standing with you and praying for you on earth, but my creation, all of them in Heaven have seen what you do not see yet, and they are cheering you on and yelling "Come on Michele! We see it! You cross over! Keep going! You're almost there! Enter into our vision, our reality, for it transcends all time and boundaries. Soon you will be telling others, "Do you see what I see?" You will guide many across their finish line! You will know how to stand in that gap, do battle and win on behalf of others. For you have won not only the court battle but soul realm battle as well! Good job, Michele. I honor you and thank you for standing strong in faith in Me and on My behalf. I have eternity to tell you how much I love you and how proud I am of you, My Beloved, Beautiful Daughter! Jesus gets a worthy bride in you! It is finished! !!
Michele, I was there! I heard it! I saw it! I felt the mighty force of it! In fact that is the most powerful word I have ever received for anyone!
You are entering a realm way above! You are a force to be reckoned with. Nothing will stop you! That beyond-this-world drive and energy you operated in, in the natural before, has been changed into a supernaturally charged magnum force of the Almighty Power of God! It has already happened! I see it so clearly.
You will command the windows of heaven to open and pour out finances for others and yourself! Miraculous healing and finances are just two of the areas you have gained victory over in the Spirit realm. I hear you so clearly saying more than once, "Oh no you don't devil! Not on my watch!" And one after another after another are set free! I am just now seeing this happen in large meetings when the Spirit of the Lord falls as you speak those words of healing and freedom
 Wow! Wow!
The whirlwind of God's glory has come to your house, has come into your life! Get ready to hang on, for you WILL be swept up into it! And away you go!!!!!
Wow! More Wow! It just keeps coming!
The Lord says further, take your eyes off your personal situation and even off the intolerable pain for I have called you up here to show you personally what I have shown Sharon and far, far exceedingly more, because it is personal to you, and has to do with you  and your personal destiny and calling. Look up! Come up! You know the way! I am eagerly waiting for you! Loves and hugs from ME too!
Furthermore, the enemy has done everything to take you out ... to take you out of relationship with Me, with your husband, with the ministry you're called to;  to take away your vision and will to live. He has even tried to kill you! He has been trying to kill you from your beginning, because he caught a glimpse of your future in My Kingdom! He is a liar, a thief and a murderer. But you have prevailed against him in My Spirit and in your spirit also!
Victorious Bride, you do not have an inkling of the pricelessness of your eternal worth! I have eternity to tell you and show you!  I have chills! YOU ARE MINE! All Mine for all eternity! I am blessed with eternal joy unspeakable and full of glory forever because you are Mine!
The Lord says, "NOW you KNOW the truth, and you are set free! NOW you KNOW YOUR GOD and you will do Mighty Exploits in My Name for My Glory. You will set many captives free... truly free. It is not  just to set people free from their earthly pains, complaints, and situations, but free in their spirits to soar in My Kingdom

The other thing God has been doing to build me up and strengthen me is encourage me through several friends with them sharing lately how I’ve made an impact in their life.   Nothing solicited, just random.  The common theme I’ve been hearing is that I am still “standing” after all I’ve been through and that amazes them.    and after you have done everything, to stand Ephesians 6:13.    Though I’ve threatened to quit, give up or say I’m done, I don’t and I haven’t.  I continue to press forward even if that means at a snails pace.   Only by God’s grace and fervent prayers of you saints!!!

Your prayers have not been in vain.  Your prayers are what God has been using to keep me in the game.  The enemy will do all he can to get us to quit, doubt and believe otherwise!  He comes to steal, kill & destroy (and he came close)…..but NOTHING can thwart God’s plans for our lives…..and He has so much more for me and for you. 

I do have a confession, however.  When I got saved in 2002, I told the Lord one of my very first prayers was that I wanted “world overcoming faith”.  I think that might be a bit worse than praying for patience.  Ha!  And God being so good at answering our prayers, He said, I like this prayer, so I think I will answer it yes.  God is the one who gives us each a measure of faith.  Romans 12:3

If you are going through a trying circumstance and feel like you are done, finished, at the end of your rope, don’t give up hope.  I know it’s hard. Hard may even be a major understatement as in my case.   I may not be able to completely understand your pain or suffering,  but God does.   Others don’t have to either.  Believe me most don’t.  Keep your eyes fixed on Him, believe that He is for you and He is good (that was the hardest part for me).  He will see you through.  He has good for you!

One last thing.  I have only seen a smidgeon of what healing is going to look like and mostly in the spirit realm… if you would please, don’t quit praying now.   I wanted to ask for those that are praying for me, would you please consider fasting & praying for me just one day on my behalf.  If possible.  I know I’m asking a lot and I have no idea how much longer it will be.  I just know it’s coming and I “feel” like I’m on the last lap.   (hope it’s a short track).  

Update on us:

Ken is still working part time at Dollar General.  He has been able to get a few more hours because the manager broke her arm and is off work, but we figured out he would need to work 75 hours a week to meet our financial needs.  He averages about 20-25 hours now.  We are continuing to trust God.  Please keep Ken in prayer as this job is a bit hard on him physically.  He too has been experiencing some stress and health symptoms.    He continues to apply & reapply at every opportunity he hears of, but this job he has is the only door God has opened. 

We continue to lead a home group and are blessed with what God is doing.   We love our church and all we are meeting there.  We are still connecting & using our hospitality gift of cooking with people at least once a week and ministering to them as the Lord leads. 

God has been speaking some things to us regarding our “destiny” but not any active direction yet.  We continue to contend, believe and trust His timing, His purpose and His way are best.  Holding loosely….until further notice from Him! 

Bless YOU.  Thank you for caring for us, praying for us and standing with us!  If there is anything you need prayer for, please let us know.  We are happy to!!!

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God Bless YOU -
Ken & Michele Cole,

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