I have nothing left in me. There is no hope for the promises. Are they really yes and amen? Do you hear the prayers of many saints and me asking for healing, for freedom from pain and sleep deprivation? Do you know what sleep deprivation does to a person's emotions, the torment, the anxiety, the panic attacks? Do you Lord? Doesn't Your Word say you give sleep to Your Beloved? You've called me that for years...and yet no sleep comes, 17 years of little to NO sleep. What should I believe in this case, I don't know anymore? You promise healing in Your Word. It's part of the full package of salvation (sozo - healing of mind, body and soul) and yet for 37 years one thing after another. I cry out to you. Others pray on my behalf. I've lost so many friends over this. People get tired of praying for me. Who can blame them. I get tired of asking You and asking others to pray. What's the point? You say you honor the faith of others but where's the proof of that? It's affecting my ability to work, function, hope, believe, have any motivation, desire for anything? I'm thankful my boss is understanding, but it's not fair to him. It seems all I do is apologize to him for not being able to work fully. He's a great guy and he has his own health issues and relies on me. I pray for him.. and yet he still suffers.
I have a good friend who has gone through decades of intense pain - fortunately she sleeps. But her pain levels have been ridiculous. She has battled cancer over the past year or two and thought she overcame and now she is battling it again and the doctors are only giving her months to live. She doesn't want to talk to anyone. I don't know what she is feeling. I can't console her. I pray for her often and I know many others are too. And yet, no relief. She's trusted you for her healing and yet it doesn't come. Maybe in heaven...and I long for that day soon IF You won't heal her here on earth. I cry out often for her. What does that really do?
I have a friend who is in miserable shape because she can't eat much. Very few calories and not the ones that will allow her to put weight back on. She's desperate. She's in my prayers day and night for years now. She is so thankful for my prayers and the encouraging words You give me for her, yet no relief in sight. Desperate for her healing to manifest.
I could go on and on for ALL those I am praying for - that I feel You've called me to pray for. There are too many to list. Where are you Lord??
Many are believing You for the promise You have spoken to them and what you say in Your Word... and yet will we ever see them manifest "in the land of the living"? Will we God?
You've made my brain to pick up on patterns - and I see sooooooooooo many suffering or contending for something that only YOU can do!! Some are trusting YOU for healing of their body, for finances for everyday life, for reconciliation of relationships, for prodigals and more. ONLY YOU LORD! And the million dollar question - the question I'd be wealthy if only I knew the answer is "Where are you LORD? Why are you not setting the captives free from whatever they need set free from?
My prayer for me - and others!!
A maskil of David. When he was in the cave. A prayer.
I cry aloud to the Lord;
I lift up my voice to the Lord for mercy.
I pour out before him my complaint;
before him I tell my trouble.
When my spirit grows faint within me,
it is you who watch over my way.
In the path where I walk
people have hidden a snare for me.
Look and see, there is no one at my right hand;
no one is concerned for me.
I have no refuge;
no one cares for my life.
I cry to you, Lord;
I say, “You are my refuge,
my portion in the land of the living.”
Listen to my cry,
for I am in desperate need;
rescue me from those who pursue me,
for they are too strong for me.
Set me free from my prison,
that I may praise your name.
Then the righteous will gather about me
because of your goodness to me.
Where are you Lord? Come to our rescue! Deliver Your people from these afflictions. Manifest Your promises? Our hope is in You - but where are You?
God is not human, that he should lie, not a human being, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill? Numbers 23:19
Just so you know - this is sleep deprivation talking? When I get 5 hours once in a great moon, I cope, my spirits are better, my faith is strong, etc. I am thankful for those rare nights!
It's always darkest before dawn.....
Ken is painting - and it's taking a toll on him physically. He's so wiped out coming home and has little energy for much. Please pray for his stamina, energy and endurance.. He is even having some sleep changes. He's not getting as much as he's used too.
Ministry - prayer for more opportunities as that does lift our spirits and give us purpose. And for provision for the vision - we are so ready to move into what God has called us too.
I'm not going to ask for me - because it's the same ole same ole. If you feel led to pray, great. But if you do only please pray in the spirit and ask God's will be done. I don't want conflicting prayers.
We have need for a car. Ken's car is really on it's last leg. We have a friend from church who has offered us their 2012 Subaru - for only $3000.... and is holding it for us for a short while. We just don't have the resources. So maybe not God's will?? We pray and ask God to make it clear.
Thank you for your friendship and care and prayers even if God isn't answering them!
1. Non tax deductible donations can be made to:
2. Tax deductible options:
Checks payable to Sonlit Fields, PO Box 1982, Hamilton, MT 59840
Donor Fund - The Signatry - Ken & Michele Cole - listed under Want InSight Fund.