Still Broken Down......

 

 

2 Corinthians 4:8-10 8 We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9 persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 10 We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body.

Well, for those that are curious... we did sign a 12 month lease on Friday 8/1 at 430pm, in the nick of time before having to be out on 8/2.   The new place is clean and new but there is no excitement about it.  This is not the place we hoped for and definitely not destiny.  

Ken and I felt this was the hardest move of all.  Every other move, God did it.   We felt Him in it. We knew He was in it.  There was none of that this time.  There is no Yeah God did it!   There is no joy in it.  The warfare was INTENSE!   This place is a duplex so we have close neighbors in which I hear talking through the walls until midnight most nights.  I hear them walking down their hallway.  I hear them shutting doors.  Heck I even know what they are cooking.   So that means they hear us too!   We share a driveway so parking is quite difficult.  They have 3 cars.  We have 3 cars if you count Ken's work truck.  The rent is higher and we had to rent a storage unit. The refrigerator is apartment size, the stove is old despite being a new home.  Things boil on setting 1.    The home is 500 square foot smaller than what we had and now only 1 car garage vs 2.  Our garage is floor to ceiling boxes and 1 bedroom is as well.   We won't be able to host our home group anymore.   Heck, having company over might even be a challenge.  Probably 40-50% of our belongings went into storage and finding what we do need is like a needle in a haystack.  

  

I felt the Lord said this would be short-lived but we'll see.   He told me that in May when I started private chef'ing for a lady and it was short-lived.   So maybe I'm hearing, maybe I'm not.  We'll see.   It's pretty easy to second guess and doubt what God is saying when things don't line up.  

Ken is working this entire weekend to help with expenses.  The move in expense was way more than we had and all the incidentals - like having to buy a washer and dryer, a portable air conditioner, floor rugs and more.  We do not like debt but here we are.  I am trying to find some part-time remote work to help as well.   

I have to say God knew that I was breaking down on every level.  Last Saturday, the day of moving, we had a great crew helping us.  We went from 630am-630pm non stop!   And I had probably over 100 unsolicited texts and calls of people saying they were praying and having their friends pray.   For the first time in my journey with the Lord, I was almost ready to walk away.   I'm still not in a good place, but better than Saturday.   I have nothing in me.  I'm exhausted.  I'm soul tired.  I'm past the point of weary.   I am overwhelmed at the tasks before me and thankful for a few friends lending me a hand.    I am stressed about how we will manage finanically.   

I had a dream that was pretty revealing.   The dream:  Ken and I were at an abortion clinic.  I told the nurse that I was afraid of the procedure and she said, I'd be fine and so did Ken.  Just then the doctor yelling from the other room said hurry up and get her ready, let's get this done.  Something in my spirit (in the dream) felt off, so I changed my mind and didn't get the abortion.  I had no emotion - no happiness that I didn't abort and no happiness if I did.  Just numb and lifeless.  End of dream.      

What I feel the Lord spoke to me when I woke up was that the enemy has been working hard to get Ken and I to abort the vision because of delay after delay and nothing happening in the natural.  And the blog I wrote previously talking about surrendering the vision.  That I feel now was not from the Lord.  He does not want us to lay this down and give up on it.  But everything in our flesh is screaming why bother anymore.   I was even at the point one morning telling God "everything is futile"  Just like Solomon saying it.  What's the use.   And I said the promises in His Word must be yes and amen in eternity, not here on earth.   Do you see how "hope deferred" I am?  Ken too.  

We don't know how or when God will do it, but He is asking us to trust and hold on and still believe.    

I know there are people way worse off than we are and I have been expressing my gratitude in between tears.  And maybe I sound like I'm complaining....but that's sadly where I am right now.  When you go through a very long and never ending season of pain, sleepless nights, lack, hope deferred and more, you'll understand that this is completely normal.    I'm sure I'll come through..... but sometimes it's a process.  

Doing my best to praise Him.... Here's a song that resonates all too well - Shackles!  https://youtu.be/V7eZD3TKn_M?feature=shared

 

"Shackles (Praise You)"

[Warryn Campbell:]
Whew, it sure is hot out here, you know
I don't mind, though
I'm just glad to be free, you know what I'm saying?
Uh

[Mary Mary (Warryn Campbell):]
Take the shackles off my feet so I can dance
I just wanna praise You (What you wanna do?)
I just wanna praise You (Yeah, yeah)
You broke the chains now I can lift my hands (Feel me?)
And I'm gonna praise You (What you gon' do?)
I'm gonna praise You

[Erica:]
In the corners of my mind, I just can't seem to find
A reason to believe that I can break free
'Cause you see, I have been
Down for so long, feel like all hope was gone
But as I lift my hands, I understand
That I should praise You through my circumstance

[Mary Mary:]
Take the shackles off my feet so I can dance (So I can dance)
I just wanna praise You (Just wanna praise You)
I just wanna praise You (Just wanna praise You)
You broke the chains now I can lift my hands (I can lift my hands)
And I'm gonna praise You
I'm gonna praise You

[Tina:]
Everything that could go wrong
All went wrong at one time
So much pressure fell on me
I thought I was gon' lose my mind
But, I know You wanna see
If I will hold on through these trials
But I need You to lift this load
'Cause I can't take it no more

[Mary Mary:]
Take the shackles off my feet so I can dance (So I can dance)
I just wanna praise You (Woo)
I just wanna praise You (Yeah, hey)
You broke the chains now I can lift my hands (Woo, yeah-yeah)
And I'm gonna praise You (I'm gonna)
I'm gonna praise You (I'm gonna, I'm gonna praise You)

Been through the fire and the rain
Bound in every kind of way
But God has broken every chain
So let me go right now

Take the shackles off my feet so I can dance (So I can dance y'all)
I just wanna praise You (Ooh)
I just wanna praise You (I wanna praise You)
You broke the chains now I can lift my hands (I can lift my hands)
And I'm gonna praise You (Praise You)
I'm gonna praise You (Praise You, praise You, yeah)

Take the shackles off my feet so I can dance ('Cause I just wanna)
I just wanna praise You ('Cause I just wanna)
I just wanna praise You (Yeah, yeah)
You broke the chains now I can lift my hands (I can lift my hands)
And I'm gonna praise You (Praise You)
I'm gonna praise You (Yeah, come on, dance with me)

Take the shackles off my feet so I can dance (I just wanna praise You)
I just wanna praise You ('Cause I'm free tonight)
I just wanna praise You (Yes, I'm free, yeah)
You broke the chains now I can lift my hands (I can lift my hands)
And I'm gonna praise You (Yeah)
I'm gonna praise You (Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)

[Warryn Campbell (Mary Mary):]
Take 'em off, take 'em off
What you gonna do?
Yeah, yeah
(You broke the chains now I can lift my hands)
Broke all the chains 
(And I'm gonna praise You)
What you gonna do?
(I'm gonna praise You)
What you gonna do?

A friend sent this video to me - this verse Malachi 4:2 is the very first verse God gave me in 2002....  and hoping now that this prophetic word is legit for August - 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lDTe7hgrgLs

If you feel led to pray, please pray for our hearts.  Pray for provision to come forth - open door for me to have some remote work that pays well.   Pray for strength and energy for both of us.  We are completely wiped out.   Please pray for sleep - neither one of us really getting much.   Please pray for healing - pain levels extreme - Ken too!   Thank you! 

Hugs, love and prayers.

Ken & Michele Cole 

michele@wantinsight.com

Here are ways you can give if you feel led:

1.  Non tax deductible donations can be made to:

     Ken & Michele Cole, 215 Tyra Lea Lane, Unit A, Hamilton, MT 59840  (preferable as the options below will tax us) 

     This is the only way currently we can use funds for our personal needs at this time.  or through 

Paypal - paypal.me/micheleacole 

Venmo- @Michele-Cole-20

Cashapp - cash.app/$micheleacole2019     

2.  Tax deductible options:

     Checks payable to Sonlit Fields, 103 Geneva Ave, Hamilton, MT 59840

     This goes into our ministry account to be used for outreach and saving towards our vision.

     Donor Fund - The Signatry - Ken & Michele Cole - listed under Want InSight Fund.

     7171 W 95th Street, Suite 501, Overland Park, KS 66212

     Phone 913 310 0279

     www.thesignatry,com

     This is an option to keep gifts anonymous - again for outreach and savings toward our vision.

Vision

God has given us a vision to build a retreat property along with ministry equipping center.  

The retreat portion of our ministry is to provide a safe place for pastors, lay leaders & other ministry folks to come and be refreshed & encouraged through prophetic ministry (if wanted).  We will offer private cabins with kitchens & full bathrooms, and plenty of places to roam on the property to get quiet with the Lord. 

We will offer other specialty retreats - marriage, healing, prophetic teaching & activating people into the world & health and wellness retreats and more.  

The Lord has graced us with the desire to come alongside the Church - to bring healing, deliverance & freedom to new/newer believers.  We are not wanting to replace their church, but better help them be ready to serve in their church. 

In our community building - we will eventually have a 24/7 prayer room, healing & prophetic rooms and a place for community worship services for those on the property.  

Our passion is to minister to a lost & hurting world.   To equip the saints to do the same and to be a blessing to our community and surrounding areas.  Our hopes are that we can pour out God's love in a mighty way to bring more and more souls into the Kingdom, get them discipled, called into their purpose & destiny and released to do God's business!!!!  We also have a passion to give generously to help those in need and to help others launch into their God given destinies.   

 

BREAKDOWNS INTO BREAKTHROUGHS

 Welp!    

Yesterday the Lord told me, "You need only be still".   I looked that up in the Bible and found it in Exodus 14:14 The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still."

Yesterday we looked at a home that would meet our needs, was in a great location and neighborhood and when I walked in I felt the Lord in it.   I even found out some friends of ours used to rent it and told us it was an amazing home.   

There were multiple applicants on this home.  The management company told us today that we did NOT get it because someone else scored higher.   They said our "score" was exemplary.   The only score they could have scored higher would be income.   Our credit scores are 800 - our background and references came back immaculate!   And yet...  

I prayed yesterday that Lord if this was the place you had for us and not the destiny property, then open the door that no man can shut.   And the door was shut.   I asked Him if this wasn't it, would you please open destiny doors.   Here we are 1 ONE DAY before moving day and we have literally NO PLACE to go.     

The last blog I said we had a place to sleep but Ken and I are in unity strongly on this - we do not have any peace about it and absolutely do NOT feel led to go.   There are so many issues with that place.  And very distressing to think it's the only open crack.   The biggest issue is that we have to put $2400 down and NO proration if we find something else in a day or two.  We do not have extra cash lying around!   We would have to rent 3 storage units on top of that - and have to put our freezers and refrigerator a mile down the road.  There is no shower.  There is no wifi (which I use to find work, work on my books etc), we'd have to park 2 cars in another location so I would have no way to get to my car during the day.   We would have no living room space as boxes would have to be stacked there that can't go to storage. We'd have no kitchen table so we'd have to eat on our laps!   Do you see the dilemma!   Oh maybe I'm just whining.  But would this work for you?  Be honest! 

I literally have had just an hour or two sleep a night for the past few weeks.  Pain levels have been at an all time high - of course STRESS does that to you!    Who's stressed??@$%^&

We are going to look at 1 other place today - it still is not ideal for us and probably would require a storage unit on top of the rent which is more than we pay now.   It's clean however. So that's a plus. I definitely need  God to open a door for income!  There is also not much parking as a duplex so not sure what we will do there.  I don't know if we can fit our two cars & Ken's work truck?  We'd sell one but both are pretty much  need both in case one breaks down again - what we really need is 1 newer reliable vehicle and sell these!    And we will have to find a way to buy a washer and dryer.  

I am still believing though through many tears and an occasional screams that God is either going to open destiny doors for us today (before we start the actual move into where tomorrow?) or that He opens the place we looked at yesterday - that He would not allow MAN to shut that door!  This is the only 1 we have peace about!  

We need God's PEACE & PROVISION!! 

To be continued..............

Hugs, love and prayers.

Ken & Michele Cole 

michele@wantinsight.com

Here are ways you can give if you feel led:

1.  Non tax deductible donations can be made to:

     Ken & Michele Cole, 103 Geneva Ave, Hamilton, MT 59840  (preferable as the options below will tax us) 

     This is the only way currently we can use funds for our personal needs at this time.  or through 

Paypal - paypal.me/micheleacole 

Venmo- @Michele-Cole-20

Cashapp - cash.app/$micheleacole2019     

2.  Tax deductible options:

     Checks payable to Sonlit Fields, 103 Geneva Ave, Hamilton, MT 59840

     This goes into our ministry account to be used for outreach and saving towards our vision.

     Donor Fund - The Signatry - Ken & Michele Cole - listed under Want InSight Fund.

     7171 W 95th Street, Suite 501, Overland Park, KS 66212

     Phone 913 310 0279

     www.thesignatry,com

     This is an option to keep gifts anonymous - again for outreach and savings toward our vision.

Vision

God has given us a vision to build a retreat property along with ministry equipping center.  

The retreat portion of our ministry is to provide a safe place for pastors, lay leaders & other ministry folks to come and be refreshed & encouraged through prophetic ministry (if wanted).  We will offer private cabins with kitchens & full bathrooms, and plenty of places to roam on the property to get quiet with the Lord. 

We will offer other specialty retreats - marriage, healing, prophetic teaching & activating people into the world & health and wellness retreats and more.  

The Lord has graced us with the desire to come alongside the Church - to bring healing, deliverance & freedom to new/newer believers.  We are not wanting to replace their church, but better help them be ready to serve in their church. 

In our community building - we will eventually have a 24/7 prayer room, healing & prophetic rooms and a place for community worship services for those on the property.  

Our passion is to minister to a lost & hurting world.   To equip the saints to do the same and to be a blessing to our community and surrounding areas.  Our hopes are that we can pour out God's love in a mighty way to bring more and more souls into the Kingdom, get them discipled, called into their purpose & destiny and released to do God's business!!!!  We also have a passion to give generously to help those in need and to help others launch into their God given destinies.